KILLSWITCH ENGAGE Singer JESSE LEACH Says 'Divine Intervention' Helped Him Beat Depression

Jesse Leach of Massachusetts metallers KILLSWITCH ENGAGE recently teamed up with The You Rock Foundation to talk about depression and suicide in a new video. In the clip, which can be seen below, Leach also spoke about questioning his spirituality, the power of possibility and the importance of letting people in.

Recalling his lowest point, Leach said: "My worldview changed. My belief in God was even at the point where I was questioning, you know, one of those things [like] 'Why, God, would you allow this to happen?'

"I know it's a very popular thing for human beings to say and think. And that really brought me to a place of, 'Well, if this thing that I thought was so good and so true is a lie, what else is a lie?' So it was, like, this snowballing effect of questioning what I loved and what I believed to be pure in this world. And, again, going to my beliefs. Which, I was born and raised a Christian by a minister — like, you couldn't have picked a better home to be raised in — but even I was subject to that darkness; it can happen to anybody. And that's what really scares me.

"Now, in retrospect, to think about… I consider myself a pretty strong person, but when that happened, it just totally rocked my world and I wasn't able to cope with it at first; I really wasn't. I turned to alcohol and drank until I couldn't drink just to try to numb the pain. But that just made it worse, 'cause you sober up and you realize things haven't changed, and it becomes a vicious habit."

Leach also remembered the day that he managed to turn things around following a period of depression. He said: "I had one night in particular, where I was ready. It was, like, hopelessness, total hopelessness. I had intervention, divine intervention…. whatever you wanna call it, it happened to me. And a lot of that stuff has happened to me through my life. Call it what you will. If you don't believe in God, you believe in the science of it, call it intuition, call it what you wanna call it, it happened to me.

"I was writing in my journal, and it was in the middle of autumn, right into winter. I was watching the leaves fall off this tree, and I felt like I'm one of those leaves that just gave up and lost hope and I allowed myself to drift down and just go back into the earth. And it was almost like this romantic feeling came over me, of like, 'All of this pain can be gone if I just did this.' And when that happened, I scared myself. 'Cause I had entertained that thought enough where I was considering it. And from that point on, something happened and I went into survival mode and I started to think about life outside of this situation — the possibility that I could get up right now and do anything; I could get up and go, I could travel, I could… whatever. The possibilities are endless in life. And that was the hope that started to come into my mind. I was, like, 'I'm in control here.' And I went and I grabbed a crappy old bike that I had that I had never ridden, and I started to ride. And something happened, and the adrenaline started going in my body and I started to feel alive. And I remember just riding my bike, just pouring tears… I'm sure people who were anywhere near me were, like, 'What is up with this guy?' I put my headphones in and just put on music. And the moment that music came in my ears, I'm just sitting there on my bike in tears, I had that sliver of hope, and that's when things started to change for me. And I realized that that power is within me. I could easily access happiness, I could easily access the potential of what life could offer me."

He added: "And that's what I would say to anyone who's watching this. Life is fleeting and beautiful from one moment to the next. You have no idea what tomorrow holds. And dealing with depression, dealing with suicidal thoughts, it's really hard to see outside of that. But I was able to. And I did it. I'm at the best place that I've ever been in my life right now, and when I do deal with situations, I have a strength that I never had before, because I went through this dark time. And I regret nothing, and I know that anyone can get through this, no matter what you're going through. There's always a possibility of something beautiful to happen to you, or for you to do something beautiful for yourself, and that's really important to remember. You can get through it. If anything, your life will be better in time, because you have learned from this dark time. Carry that lesson with you; it's sort of your ammunition to move forward."

The You Rock Foundation is an online platform for instilling hope and love by publishing videos of popular bands testifying about their personal demons, how they fought them, and how they won.

For more information on The You Rock Foundation, visit yourockfoundation.org.